It has been almost three months since the final whistles last rang out at Premier League grounds across the country.
Which means it has been almost three long months without any top flight football – too much for any man, woman or child. A lot can happen in that time, most of which you already know. But for those of you who have either been hiding in a cave, in a coma or dead, here’s what you’ve missed since you last turned out on the TV to watch football.
The News of the World has closed; a few people have died; the Beckhams’ shocked everyone by revealing they have actually read a book without pictures in it and had a little girl; the final Harry Potter film has been released (it was disappointing and nothing like the book); blink-182 have released new music for the first time in years (it’s awesome); Amy Winehouse died; tragedy struck Norway as over 90 people were horrifically killed by one man; Beamish (check it out if you’ve never heard of it) have opened a fish and chip shop; there have been chaotic riots in Londons and it has rained. A lot.
In matters of the sporting variety, England showed they are still pretty good at cricket; Northern Ireland seem to be producing a string of major-winning golfers; David Haye talked the talk but couldn’t walk the walk – which he blames on a broken toe; Sebastian Vettel is continuing his dominance of Formula One; and Andy Murray is very definitely still Scottish.
In the world of football, we have seen that England under-21s disappoint at big tournaments just as much as their senior side. The Spanish under-21s live up to expectations at big tournaments just as much as their senior side. The big guns disappointed at the Copa America, with Brazil and Argentina failing to make it past the quarter finals of the tournament which was eventually won by Uruguay. The U20 World Cup is still ongoing, but I’ve no doubt that it’ll be Spain winning that as well – it almost certainly won’t be England. Japan stunned hosts and holders Germany as well as the one number ranked side in the world Brazil on their way to winning the Women’s World Cup. The best club side in the world have seemingly got even better by signing Alexis Sanchez. Super Kevin Phillips has joined Blackpool along with various other players seemingly all going to either big spending Paris Saint-Germain, Malaga or Sven’s Leicester. And FIFA remains as corrupt as ever.
Finally, to the Premier League. Sunderland have almost rebuilt their side, with nine new signings and counting. Carlos Tevez has admitted he hates Manchester and wants to be closer to his family in Argentina – which means he’ll probably go to Spain or Italy. Cesc Fabregas still wants to go to Barcelona, they still want him but are refusing to match Arsenal’s valuation of him. Samir Nasri has apparently developed an eye for a move away from the Emirates. Liverpool are willing pay over £20 million for anyone English and under the age of 30. Swansea, QPR and Norwich are the ‘new boys’ in town after Birmingham, Blackpool and West Ham went down. Joey Barton who went public via Twitter, with his disillusion with life under the Newcastle hierarchy, was put on the transfer list and made available for free but could still stay, shocked everyone by quoting George Orwell and then got into a Twitter ‘war’ with various journalists. Phew.
Now, you’re all caught up, there’s nothing left really. Except of course, the new season. Friendlies are fun and the transfer talk gives us a lot of talking points, even if much of it never comes to fruition. But now it is finally time to get back to business. Any longer, and I’m not the only one who would’ve gone to a Tom Hanks in Castaway level of insanity, only with a football instead of a volleyball for a friend.
